Corner

I'm back, after a few weeks' silence. I just didn't have much to say. I've been swamped at work, I've been struggling with some big personal decisions, and I was starting to feel impatient with the wait. But today I feel like I've turned a corner in this mommy-in-waiting period so I've got a few things to say.

I made a very difficult decision over the last month or so to end my relationship with a wonderful man. As great as he is, and as much fun as we've had together, things definitely changed when I told him I was ready to start my family. He's already had the experience of raising a child, and doesn't think he's got it in him to start over with a baby again. To his credit, he's never been anything but honest with me. So I knew what I was doing when I made this decision to adopt a daughter-- I knew we'd eventually go our separate ways. I still think the world of him, but it wasn't the relationship I wanted for my future or that of my daughter. We had our talk on Friday, so I didn't have a terribly festive weekend. But I know I did the right thing for all three of us.

Saturday night I had my first dream where I held my daughter. I felt so good when I woke up and remembered how it felt to have her here with me. The wait has been longer than I expected, but I can wait a while longer. Every time I start to get a bit impatient I remember that family making a difficult decision to plan for their daughter to be adopted. I certainly want them to feel it's the right decision for them and their daughter, so I can be patient. She'll be here when she's supposed to be here.

It's been an emotional week, but I'm hanging in there as best I can.